Thanksgiving Grace 2020
Now, just in time for your socially distanced and perhaps even unreasonably isolated Thanksgiving repast, we should all prepare to say grace; the blessing.
Grace was always an important aspect of holiday dinners in my family’s household, a solemn tradition whose grave responsibility passed from hand to hand over the years with a certain degree of trepidation as to who was going to say what when and whether they would actually be composed, i.e., sober, enough to articulate it clearly.
When my Dad the preacher said grace, it was generally extemporaneous, a little rambling as some were prone to dose off, but it usually made pretty good sense. It was in his wheelhouse.
When pressed upon, I would generally throw caution to the wind and mumble my way through whatever pious pabulum it was that I could regurgitate from prior decades of being trapped involuntarily in a religious tradition. Given in a flash, my grace was consistently and eminently forgettable.
But on this particular Thanksgiving, something suitably formal, meaningful and current to our needs seems appropriate, given the gravity of our collective situation and disparate gatherings this year.
Assemblages of far-flung friends and relatives this year are ill advised and will likely be scant. But that gives relativists of varying types and depths of faith an opportunity to say whatever the hell they please as grace, not bound to stuffy traditions others may require that we heathens may not precisely cotton to.
So I offer an alternative grave mumbling, that may better express the existential angst to which most of us have now become accustomed.
To wit…
“Please join me in…well…um…prayer…I guess.
Bless oh Lord this…um…Bless oh Lady this food…um, no…perhaps…Bless Oh Spirit…um…Ultimate Intelligence…Divine Presence…no…
To whom it may concern:
It’s a pretty cool thing being able to eat a lot today with reckless abandon, so thanks a lot.
We’re more than fortunate, all things considered, as there are lots of people really hurting right now for a variety of avoidable reasons in this country and around the globe, so we’re all hopeful something can be done about that very, very soon.
Especially critical is the need of our health care workers who have been busting their gut and risking their lives for months now while our so-called “leaders” have been asleep at the wheel and have accelerated the chaos, mayhem and suffering by their malfeasance.
We all know exactly who is proximately responsible for the ugly messes we are in right now, and if good and evil were as cosmically real as we’ve been led to believe, it’s pretty darned clear that evil has been having a fricking field day. It’s about time that you put a serious chill on the Dark Side, okay?
Not that we believe in hell or anything, but there are some pretty hellish things goin’ on, so maybe something can be done about the angry, violent, racist, xenophobic, misogynistic, homophobic, fascist, greedy, privileged white supremacist idiots who have hijacked our political and economic system, okay?
Nothing hurtful of course. We Liberals with a capital L actually want to reduce human suffering, but maybe if these jackasses were somehow induced to crawl back under the rocks out from which they slithered, that would be simply wonderful. Extracting El Presidente’ Dear Leader from the White House is a very good start.
But our new President and the Congress will need all the help they can get doing helpful things for We the People and the planet, so a little influence there wouldn’t hurt either. Anything you can do in the State of Georgia’s upcoming special election that helps Democrats control the U.S. Senate would be especially peachy.
Finally, thanks for all the happiness that we do enjoy and the friendship we have with folks we can’t be as close to as we would like today, and we fondly remember all those we love not here anymore.
We just want you to know that whatever or whoever you may really be, we’re pretty sure you’re a benevolent presence and will soon get around to pushing things in a more humane direction…and hopefully you have a sense of humor. There is no question at all that you lean Democrat, we’re sure of that.
So…take care, stay healthy and wear your mask. Sincerely yours, have a nice day, forever and ever…say Amen, children.”
There you go. You’re all set to have influence with the cosmos on Thursday. Hey, it can’t hurt, ya know?
And have a Happy Thanksgiving.
