It’s Okay to Get Help!
Caveat: I am not a mental health professional, but I know some great ones and trust their judgment. What follows are my observations and opinions based on my experience, and the advice and counsel of some very smart people.
Trauma is part of life. For most of us, we have experienced varying degrees of trauma and may even do so on a daily basis. When those traumas continue to cause pain or immobilize us, it’s important to get help in managing them.
Exposures to serious traumas have long lasting effects. The list of those types of traumas in life is almost endless; death of a loved one, job loss, illness, accidents and injuries, physical or domestic violence, sexual or child abuse, racism, xenophobia and misogyny, hunger and poverty; these are just some of the obvious ones.
I learned a valuable lesson from a trauma I experienced a few years ago, the details of which are unimportant. The good news is a psychologist friend suggested I schedule an appointment with a trauma specialist.
I took her advice, and it was a great move. The specialist I saw was fantastic. I saw him for almost a year, learned a lot and was able to manage the stress from the traumatic event in healthful ways.
It wasn’t just about talking to him either. There was quite a bit of “homework” to do. There were articles and books to read, physical exercises to do, a healthier diet to follow and I got pretty serious about my meditation practice. He provided the education and impetus, but I had to do the work.
The bottom line is that he taught me how to understand and manage the disruptive energy the trauma had manifested in my body and mind. It was valuable information I integrated into my life that today helps me manage the lesser traumas that are just part of daily living.
One extremely valuable concept I came away with I will share with you. After I experienced the trauma, I became fixated on the “Why?” question. Why did this happen to me? What I learned quickly was that “Why?” questions like that don’t necessarily yield the answers you need to help manage the trauma.
There may be valuable factual information that can be surfaced by asking the “Why?” question, but once that information is understood, I needed to move on to the next step. For me, blaming others or myself was the initial response to the “Why?” question, and that was getting me nowhere. Placing blame was not going to get me to the important next step.
Moving on for me involved productive questions such as: what is the universe trying to teach me by having me experience what I did? What can I learn from this event? How can I prevent, avoid or manage trauma like this in the future? How can I change my behavior or mindset in response to traumas in healthy ways? How will I take what I’ve learned and use it to help others and myself?
That idea of getting beyond the “Why?” questions was very important for me. Because in my case, the “Why?” question was basically meaningless. My experience was essentially random and serendipitous, almost like getting hit by lightning on a perfectly clear day.
There was no logical answer to the “Why?” question, so discovering what I could take away from the event in a healthy way was the learning opportunity that helped me so much. I’m pretty sure I would not have gotten there without the suggestion I received to get help.
It’s easy for me to say then, “Get help,” but not everyone can just do that. Health insurance coverage for these types of situations is not always sufficient, and that’s a shame. Also, not everyone has health insurance, and qualified help can be expensive.
I think the message here is you’re likely going to be far more successful not trying to manage trauma on your own. Getting help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Talking about it with your loved ones, close friends, a spiritual advisor or a family doctor if you have one is a great first step. As well, there is a wealth of trauma care hotlines available online, and contacting your county board of health in your area can be a place to start. If you can reasonably see a mental health professional, it’s wise to do so.
Don’t go it alone. There is help available, and it is very beneficial.
Please reach out for help.
